love is sucidal...

2006-08-27T04:23:00.000-07:00

yesterday, we had this lil impromptu meeting in Tao Nan. okay, things are still the same, we're still very much detached from the rovers, and i have a feeling that they've been bitching about it. this can be deduced by the fact that xavier has said that the "trench is very deep". hur.

not like as if i care anymore, i was just happy to see the others again.

studies aren't looking very good, but i guess i'm trying.

it has been extremely hot these few days, drink lots of water, everyone!

2006-08-24T05:15:00.000-07:00

"Tiger Lily" - Matchbook Romance

We drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
and if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go (and never let go)
i'll never let go (i'll never let go)
as we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawal of you
for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.

why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse. (any worse)
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words
'cause i, i don't want to make things
and i, i don't want to make things any worse

this song's for all those love-sick people out there! and all the friends that i haven't been in touch with recently. i hope you guys are all cool and cheery!

thanks to those who keep me running.

2006-08-20T17:11:00.000-07:00

hellooooooooo!

sorry guys, i haven't been updating for such a long time! but first off i'd like to say hi to lisa! dudette, i placed you in my links already! lol...

sooooo this week is study week, no need to go to school, but i've got extra lectures for today and tomorrow, so yeahs...

in my absense, nothing much really happened, just that i spent a lot of time preparing for the arts appreciation drama act... my teacher said she liked the script alot, so haha!

seriously, i don't have anything much to say here anymore! anyone who wants to know more, add me on livejournal(username is skklexie) and maybe i'd let you look at more of my more private posts! so remember, it's www.livejournal.com

miss all my friends loads!

the problem with Marlin.

2006-05-05T03:55:00.000-07:00

i really wanted to blog more about Marlin here today, but i seem to have a mental block..

so generally, Marlin's main goal is to substain itself as an open unit by having recruitment drives for various JCs scattered within the vincinity.. part of the marketing plan was to portray ourselves, no, to portray the unit as something MORE than a scout troop.. which kinda make sense.. if we were to make ourselves look like a super ZAI unit, the JC peeps would be terrified as they won't want to go for meetings that revolve around push-ups and all.. so here came the great plan! since marlin is a sea unit, lets do ALOOOOOOOOt of sea sports! and at first when i heard of it, i was pretty excited to do more than just footdrill and knots all week...

but now, thats where i feel the problem is.. we're so much of a sports group that we're no longer attached to our roots.. the one thing i hate about my peers is that they never give out punishment accordingly when needed, especially to our Cub Scouts.. when they see me scolding primary school boys, they'll tell me to relax and cool down and chill out and why do i have to be so fierce?? too bad they'll never understand what a true unit is..

i'd like to account one incident in which i really lost my temper.. it was the primary 3 CCA fair tie-in primary 6 scout meeting earlier this year.. we had the sec 1 scouts teaching the pri 6 boys National Loyalty in a classroom.. the sec 1 scouts, being greenhorns themselves, couldnt control the 'crowd'.. the pri 6 boys were talking amongst themselves, answering back to their seniors("u're only one year older than us wat! who say u can boss us around!" attitude), some of them didnt bring their logbooks to copy notes down even though they were told to the previous week, and some who brought their logbooks WEREN'T copying notes down as they were too lazy to...

so of course i blew my top.. in front of my chairman, cherri.. guess she never saw me this mad before! hahas... wat i did was scream for those who did not bring the logbooks to get out of class, and stand in a single file at the corridoor.. and the funniest part was, they huddled up at the DOOR like a pack of lost tourists!! damn i didnt know whether to laugh or to cry... i re-screamed my instructions, and i finally saw some ideas hitting home... so at first, they were quiet, then some of them spoke up,"sir although i didnt bring my book, i used a foolscap to copy down notes. he also! he was also copying down notes!"

"ok the few of u can go sit down."

then it dragged, i was slowly letting boys in in judgement of how quiet and unfidgetty they were.. i dont know wat impression cherri had about me regarding that incident, but at least i let her see wat it was of us when all the old scout mistresses were around..

MS LEE! come back home!

i miss the old days, where discipline and Scouting were the main aims of Marlin.. thats why im leaving.

and the grade of my SEAL points are....

2006-04-27T05:58:00.000-07:00

EXCELLENT!

OMG i was sooo glad when i first saw my transcript! it was such an unexpected grade!! when stef first told me she had an excellent, i kinda knew i blew it as she was so outgoing, and reali rah-rah about stuff.. and this grade! i seriously doubt i deserve it! i mean, most of the things they gave me credit for(like being usherers and mentors) were super easy jobs to cope with, and Prod Crew was more fun than work on the whole... take Dancethelon for an example, that 1 night that i was dj-ing was one of the greatest moments of my life!! i saw girls getting down and sweaty, shaking their thaaaaaaaang! yahoo!

and i dont think i'll strive to get a better grade than this, the only higher level would be Distinction, but that would mean i would have to be the top 5% of the WHOLE poly, not quite a feasible idea... but still! having an EXCELLENT also means that i can just forget about it already...

and quit Marlins without another thought!! wahahahahahahhaahhaha... but to tell all my readers the truth(a grand whooping readership total of 5), i didnt join Marlins for the CCA grade... sure i got A1 for secondary school, but that didnt make me stay on for Ventures..

so horey! one good excuse to quit that scout group...: "since ive already got a very good CCA grade, i want to focus my train of thoughts on studying!"

anyway that'll be a lie... an ex-claasmate(from Basic Networking Technology, last semester) named April asked for my number (AGAIN) as she lost it and couldnt contact me... but now, she said aloooot of events are coming up so YAY! kudos April! thanks for not forgetting me, even though i'd forgot ur name!

Hernie, my Arts Appreciation lecturer/tutor, rocks! she's so nice and understanding, she reali does know wat to feed my artistic needs.. and the best thing yet, she taught jie jie last semester! so cute aye? hahas, i surely am gonna enjoy this CDS alot, ive finally found a mentor who can help escalate my artistic values and passion to astronomical heights!

Mama Djie and Me!

friends...

2006-04-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

...can be quite unbelievable at times. they do their best to help you find your faith, just when you've decided that you have had enough.. they do the worst things, involving more people in the situation thus escalating everything to astronomical heights, but yet, they're ready to tear down the world so that you can feel better..

and the best part is, all of us are feeling the same thing, we have the same problems, we got the same people pissing the shit out of our bodies, but yet no one wants to submit as they fear that if they leave, a chain reaction will follow.. so all of us are trying to be gung-ho's, endearing all the pain, and yet adding your peeps' problems onto your own shoulders.. i know there's a saying that states that it's better to share your problems with others, so that your burden is lifted.. but the thing is, if thats the case, then everyone would die under the combined pressure of our problems.. which leads to another saying, "one of all, all for one." aye? everyone can go die together, like some kinda Neo-Spartans or something..

this is hilarious, ive never seen such a situation so comical as this.. this truly is fascinating, and yet it hurts so much...

GAWD I FEEL SO BAD IN DRAGGING MY LEADER INTO THE SITUATION!! this is gonna be one fucked up shit... the original plan was for me to endure all the shit, at least until the end of this year, before i drop the bomb and say "BYE BYE!" so that only i will feel the hurt..

damn, i shouldve kept my mouth quiet, and let everything bottle up... then again, the reason why i shared my problems is so that everyone can learn from my mistakes, so that when im gone, they can carry the ball and continue the race... THIS IS INSANE! there's no way out of it!!!

ARRGRRRGGGGRRRRRHHHH!

and now to end off this post, i'll quote one line of the Scout Law in which i've not been following this 2 weeks:

"A Scout has courage in all difficulties."

show me the light man, BP, send me a sign... i love Scouting, and thats gonna be forever.. so why can't i keep my feelings at bay?!?!?!??!

Tao Nan Marlin Venture(Open) Unit

2006-04-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

hello hello!

it seems like this week has been a reali tough one for me.. first off i would like to say thanks to all my friends who were there to lend an ear to hear my story/ journey as a Boy Scout..

as some of u may know by now, i've been a Scout since primary 3, in the yr 1997.. times then were tough, but we held on then.. one of my most favourite years was 2000, when us pri 6 scouts moved on to become Sea Scouts and we were under the tutelage of Mr Edwin(who now i can call him Edwin).. he made us do many crazy things, but im happy to say that i learnt alot from him, he was always giving us some life lessons in which im sure most of my peers didnt take too seriously, but i was there listening and trying to learn as much as i can... although he was a psycho bitch then, ive long come to terms with that fact and i can happily join him in his parade of screwing with people's minds... the most recent being the one where victoria asked us whether we were brothers...

after that yr, we had a change of leaders and i was under albert at one time, then vincent at another... sec 1 was the toughest yr yet for me, footdrill and knottings were some of the things we stressed on every week.. but i guess us boys stood together as a team pretty firmly.. ive got great seniors like shawn, bingjia, jerry, mark, xinghong, teo xu, derick and some others not mentioned here... these were people that i respected alot, for example, teo xu taught me alot on how to master quick tying of a simple flagpole under 3 mins and how to make its knots firm and steady.. up til now, i still look at them as my seniors, although shawn has long gone "crazy", but i valued the feedback derick and bingjia gave me during last yr's pri 4 camp...

then haha, sec 2 came... there were many saturday afternoons gone to nought while i sat in tao nan all by myself, as my batch of people consisted of 4 uninterested and 1 active, the sec 3 dude and the sec 1 kid were too busy with other things, and the sec 4s studying for o levels... there were alot of times where i would wait til close to 2 hrs and then the leader would call and say he needed to cancel meeting as an important business meeting clashed with Scout meeting... dejectedly, i would go home and when my parents asked me how meeting went, i would have to lie and say that i had fun..

the fuck i had fun.

the sun started shining in sec 3, the leader frm sec 2 was replaced by francis, and he started to make things happen... i was made SPL but wasnt given the rank officially as the leaders told me that it would be done during the end of yr camp... but the end of yr camp came, and not only was i denied 3 bars to prove im a SPL, i was made a fucking PL and 2 of my peers were also given PL ranks when they didnt turn up for meetings in months! at that time someone told me that the highest ranking dudette didnt want to give me the rank as she didnt think i was fit for it. ok fine, i lived with that...

in sec 4, my sec sch accidentally stated in my testimonial that i was a SPL and even had the Venture Cord(an achievement that i didnt have)... of course i went to the CCA head and told him the mistake, at first he wanted to change it, but decided to let me have that 11/10 grade in the end... YESSSSSS! IN YOUR FACE!

last yr i decided that i couldnt let Marlins be my main focus anymore, so i decided to try out new stuff like dboating.. however, in May, we had some interview for exco postions and my seniors(being first-yr scouters thus not knowing me veri well), tot that i was slacking and asked me to focus and give more time to Marlins... and so i did, but i didnt get into exco anyway...

months after that was devoted to spending alot of time preparing for pri4 camp, and that was where i started to understand the views of people who were barely into thier 7 months in Marlin.. there were alot of complains going on, but i did my best to console 2 lost sheep to my greatest ability.. we had rough and emotional times, but we scraped through.. during pri4 camp we were given reali big backlashes by the teachers... both camp chief and his assistant already cried their fair share of tears, as they were blamed for alot of things that were not done and not done at all... then suddenly, it was my turn to stand in the line of fire.. the woman who denied me my SPL badge made a fucking hurting remark at me in front of my face, luckily the leader who always left me alone in sec 2 jumped to my defence... but i knew, frm that day onwards, i didnt love Marlin anymore...

so since then ive been questioning my value in a Scout troop which was heading nowhere in terms of progress... if i left, would anyone miss me? the answer that i finally came to terms with was NO, Marlin would not miss me, as i wasn't even a good Scout to begin with, as i never was given the chance to push my skills and knowledge of campcraft in the limit, all except while i was in sec1.... no, the only thing that Marlin would lose is my love, time and devotion for it..

then, in the middle of this week, i decided not to move on to Rovers next yr, Venturing would be my last area of growth that i will go through in Marlin.. i havent given up on Scouting, as the things that ive learnt would be useful in the yrs to come, like leadership, responsibility, cockiness(from edwin, sorry dude. this is a tell-all blog.. haha!), and of course, how to treasure friendships...

ive made many friends on my journey spanning 17 yrs, and ive met ppl that i would want to be in contact with 20 or even 40 yrs frm now..

but anyway the thing is that i figured why i stayed on with Marlins was that i didnt want to let my juniors experience the shit i went through while i was in sec 2... now, as they're under the capable hands of bingjia and kerk, i can say that im contented... i also wanted to promote scouting to my fellow ventures, but i guess that can no longer be attainable as i would be leaving soon... i did my best last yr, to show them the bond us old boys had, but i guess my best wasnt good enough... officially they still do not have their World Badge yet, even though they know it's contents.. FUCK!!! and i was in charge of making them sit for the tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to the leader that left me to rot while i was in sec 2, hey, no hard feelings ok? i know that business is very important, im just retelling it here to show how much i loved the unit... even though i wasted all those afternoons, i didnt want to tell my parents about it as they would surely get involved, and they may even stop me frm gg for meetings... that wasnt wat i wanted then.

but now im no longer sure.

i know i'll be glad when i leave Marlin as a heavy part of me would be lifted, i would no longer need to see that woman's face again for as long as i live... but then i would be leaving behind the 2 friends i tried to convince to stay on... God bless that 2, the 3 of us sure did have fun together... i dont want to be selfish, but how much more can i take? all humans have limits, and i think im gonna reach mine soon...

revamp!

2006-04-14T05:08:00.000-07:00

haha changed some stuff on this lil bloggie!

first off is the picture to the left of this blog! haha, that dude screaming his face-skin(or wat's lack of it)is Spawn! haha, long story behind him aye! ive been a fan of Spawn since 1994, cos the artist Todd McFarlane drew him so cool! my cousin Ken intro-ed me to that comic, but i stopped buying the action figurines quite a long time ago.. then on tuesday this week, ken brought me to Spawn Asia, the shop that distributes Spawn toys all over this region! and the toys were damn cheap lar! only about 1/3 of the price... and ken, who has doted on me, bought me some merch! haha, found my love for the Hellspawn again...

secondly i updated the pics of this blog, though i'll be updating them again as stef will pass me the pics next week i think.. hahas..

good friday! chill out!

yum cha!

2006-04-10T01:22:00.000-07:00

for the sake of eva and steffy who do not have access to my LJ, i shall update for u guys all at once...

the second semester has passed by pretty quickly, results werent too good(as u 2 would've known by now) but was still enjoying life as i was able to turn back into the independent dude, no longer seekin g the company of friends, classmates, or venture peeps... yet of course, i still mixed around, but it's like i no longer depended on it..

ok, actually i still need friends, but wat im trying to say is, the scope of friends i truly care for AND still contact on a regular basis has shrunk tremendously..

so anyway as most people out there know, i fell off my bike in ubin and ended up with alot of gashes and i think i left 500ml of blood on that cursed island.. my ventures were looking at me as if i were a freak-show, but at least i was in one piece, my sunglasses taking most of the damage in the process of saving my precious eyeballs..

on a lighter note, during the hols i was able to meet up with a primary sch friend who was my fren since primary 1, though that wasnt wat we thought then... still, it was nice seeing a familar face, and i do mean familar.. after all these yrs, i can say that the only change she's made is by growing taller..

other than that, i was out with another pri 6 mate and we went on a movie marathon... cheerios, felix! hope ur first day of sch rocks!

during this hols, ive read more that 22 books from TP's library, which i think is a reasonable amount of books... ive read the entire series of The Princess Diaries, my biggest literary accomplishment, considering the fact that i took only 5 days(and not full days, just hours here and there) to complete it... whoohoo!

went out with stef again this morning, thankful that she loved breakfast... though she has a funny way of showing her appreciation:
1. used her hands to drum a tribal beat on my left arm
2. making me wear a pair of clown spectacles to pose for reali ridiculous pictures
3. bringing me on an adventure around singapore which wasnt called for

stefanie and her grin of delight when i told her i was paying for breakfast(just kidding, she actually smiles like this at reali inappropriate times.. short-circuited somewhere perhaps, no wonder she lives and swears by her own brand of wacko-logy)

so anyways, just 2 more weeks before sch reopens.. hope by then i would've received my very own copy of a pictorial which is limited to only 2 copies in this world, and i wouldve paid Jeremy Yay $27 for the scientific calculator i bought...

2006

2006-01-27T21:23:00.000-08:00

sorry bloggie!!

i havent blogged u for such a long time, and its 2006 already!!! ive been blogging on my livejournal over the past few weeks, cos alot of stuff were private.... but today it seems like a good idea to update u.... im leaving for malaysia tonight, and there're some things i wanna say...

steffy! while in malaysia, i wish that u'll enjoy urself to the max and u wun think of sch work at all! its time to take a break....

jiejie! so happy u've found some light at the end of ur tunnel!

mich, im sorry bout wat i read... cheer up ok?

tequila! we wun be able to see each other every week anymore! sob, how i wish that we'll hav jap lectures again....

ok thats it! see ya!

Demeter outing!!!!

2005-12-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

the following poem is dedicated to steffy, michelle and tequila, who happen to blog non-stop bout their boyfriends these days.... ;) and of course credit must go to gaby, who came up with the original concept of switching characteristics of animals to be used in poems in Lit class....

Of the pigs which could fly in outer space,
a fish that lived in a tree.
The fox that fed on nothing but waste,
the cat who went diving in the open sea.

The spider which spun webs of muck,
the cow that lived underground.
No matter how hard the dog tried to bark,
it never made a sound.

There are many things in life we don't know,
most of them not true.
Make most of your life the way you want it to be,
just like the pantless Winnie the Pooh.

okay it's a crap poem but while taking a bus back from swimming juz now, i was reminded of gaby's poem and i decided to do what i always do when i see something good, i would rip it off shamelessly.

yesterday oh yesterday... terry and i waited for gloria, veron and andrew for more than an hour... haha... the 2 of us waited in Popular near Orchard mrt station. in the end they finally arrived and then we met yun zhen and she passed us christmas prezzies(great tasting chocs), and we went to Paragon to sit at starbucks to drink..

damn starbucks for not having enuf seats.. we left and went to spinelle at heeren instead and gloria treated us to drinks for her prezzie to us.... later charissa came and we went to NUM to get her slippers changed while gloria and i left to do some shopping of our own.... man it's always great to be ard someone like glor, she's such a unique girl.... a self-porclaimed self-made avid gamer, and the girl that uses vulgaraties on a constant basis, unlike other girls who try to refrain frm using it as much as possible... she was looking for a new dice pouch(her games are real-life, not com games, so she plays this fancy real-life role-playing game which requires dices) but in the end she bought pics of a Japanese singer who's name escapes my memory now for a fren.

we left, and went to cathay to go to comics mart(actually gloria and i juz ran there, leaving the rest trailing behind)... then we went to the gaming place besides comics mart and then the Apple shop further down... coulndt decide on where to eat, so we ate at cafe cartel, again.... haha, had alot of gun talking to them, lots of topics were raised, like age differences in a relationship and the palm-reading session conducted by glor(apparently of all 6 ppl there, only glor and i are gonna get married(!)... but i hav a short life though, thats wat promted veron, who's life was shorter than mine, to ask me,'alex, bring ur wife to my funeral ok? drinks will be provided..') and our preferred husband/wife... hoho...

we met jap and kendrick(who felt pretty ostracised) and we went to eat again.... on the bus, Project Runway was screening on TVmobile... and i had a revelation.... in my mind i created my first dress, something like wat an Anime girl will wear.... it's now halfway done, and pls dun laugh at me ok? im juz doing it as a time-killer....

stef and mich, if u dudettes happen to be reading this post, call me and i'll tell u why we shouldnt buy the Powerbook G5 which is coming out next yr... i was speaking to the guy at the Apple shop yesterday, and wat he said made sense...

oh, we didnt catch a movie as the prices for tics were ridiculous, someone reminded us of that... and besides, only glor and i wanted to watch a movie... thats why i brought my jacket... lolx... miss ya tequila, u would've had lots of fun if u were here with us....

Crazy week of Christmas!!!

2005-12-24T04:21:00.000-08:00

updating for this week,

monday: i went to citylink and bought 2 christmas cards, one for tequila and another for ms and mrs djie.... wrote in the cards, felt veri contented, and slept well that night....

tuesday: mailed the cards, getting nervous cos firstly i sincerely hoped that the cards will get through and secondly, i hoped that they'll love the cards.... went to bed crossing my fingers that night....

wednesday: received an sms frm tequila,' hey u blur man! send wrong xmas card! (-.-)' GRRAGH!!! this was not happening!!! i called tequila, screamed, called steffy, screamed, and made plans to meet them the following day to sort things out.... slept veri guiltily that night... sob...

thursday: told my mum i was going to pass 'notes' to my friends, haha... left home at 8am to meet them... met steffy first, then tequila, then passed steffy's card to her classmate so she can deliver it to her.... went home a jovial guy, even though i had a test that afternoon... went to sleep at ease that night...

friday: since i had no more tests, i went to BDS to see how the sec 1 registration was going on... my mum was there to help out in the registration as she was part of the PTS(parents-teacher association).... and guess who i saw? mrs djie. she started by saying, 'ahahahahahahahahahah alex, now i know how sotong u are.' and then turning to my mum, 'aye hello, do u know how sotong alex is?'

'NO she doesnt i know!!!!!'
'he only sent 2 christmas cards this yr, and he mixed them up!'

then i explained myself to my mum bout the day before.... but my mum wasnt done.... later i saw my mum talking to mr micheal and i said hi to him... he asked me whether i wanted to join the alumni and i said okay... then my mum told him that i could sing!!!! man, how sabo-ed i was that morning... later i told mrs djie bout it and she laughed real, oh and then mr micheal happened to be there, and mrs djie pointed at me saying 'he really can sing, you know.'

oh my god.

anyway friday happened to be yesterday... christmas party with Marlin was cools... dun wanna go into detail now, veri tired... all i wanna say is that i'm happy boonee liked my winnie the pooh i gave her, cherri liked the star necklace i gave her, and everyone liked the door gifts i gave them...

today: went to The Art of Star Wars... quite ok, though the LOTR was much better overall...

TIRED!!!

will post soon, til then, MERRRRRRRRRRY CHRISTMMMMMMMMMMMAS!

3 things...

2005-12-10T20:27:00.000-08:00

i miss gloria so much suddenly.. thats'swhyiwenttoherblogtoseehow'sshe'sdoinginLondon..

then i decided to do her 3 things...thingy.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. alex
2. lexie
3. skk

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. I miss feeling close to God
2. it's juz that love is one of the few innocence we have left
3. it's funny how we can say the same things

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my eyelashes
2. my sense to love selflessly
3. wow easy it is for me to make people laugh

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my big feet
2. being stubborn
3. being selfless for my friends

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. singaporean
2. chinese
3. teochew

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. That girl... yeah that one
2. that i never hav enough money to buy things for friends
3. getting to make a girl i juz met ask for my number

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Sleep
2. TV
3. rain

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My billabong shirt
2. some HK police shorts
3. briefs (Valentino)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. ge qian- jay chou
2. When you Believe - Michelle Pfeiffer and Sally Dworsky
3. Nobody's Listening (Evil Genius remix) - Fort Minor feat Dj Green Lantern

THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. Eldest - Christopher Paolini
2. Have A Nice Day! - Mick Foley
3. Digital Fortress - Dan Brown

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. someone to be able to talk about nothing and everything while enjoying all of it..
2. freedom to do whatever we both want and not let our own scedule get in each other's way
3. the girl to love me whleheartedly, juz like how i'll love her

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can sing Japanese songs
2. I've already kissed a girl before
3. I'm not so straight

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. nice personality
2. that gong-gong look she'll give me when i say something that makes no sense
3. Kissable lips

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. being left alone to talk to people i want to talk to privately
2. gaming
3. talking to my 5 godsisters

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. new phone(Symbian OS please)
2. Powerbook G5(coming out next yr!!!!)
3. lots of money to buy other random stuff not listed here due to the constraint of listing only 3 items

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. teacher
2. singer (once i find time and money to enhance my singing talent.. talent my ass)
3. being in the Justice League as Kyle Rayner aka Green Lantern Ion

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. see some pyramids
2. That 7 star hotel in Dubai
3. Japan to see those cute girls

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Elie
2. Rei
3. Seighart

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. Have a great time at Japan
2. tell her that i love her, face to face and hope that i dun get rejected again
3. draw her a picture

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I game
2. I like having short hair, is fuss free
3. I have got that thing

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. people say that i'm a girl trapped in a guy's body
2. I cry more often than u think
3. I cry at the slightest things

THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Britney Spears (her school girl look era)
2. Emma Watson
3. Kristin Kreuk

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2. NEVER IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3.

well that's it! gonna post soon, i hope....

2005-11-27T23:30:00.000-08:00

it's been a long time since i updated this blog..... so i'll juz start rumbling bout whatever is in my mind...

the previous, previous' week's Camp Pacifica bbq was terrible... it started off with william and i meeting in sch at 1.30pm, then we went off to buy ice.... the food had already started to defrost, so a solution was needed.... off we went to buy ice and when we walked back to xavier's lorry, i realised that we actually left all the food at the back.....

UNATTENDED.

so we were counting our lucky stars when we drove back to the den.... when we were waiting for ppl to open the den, he presented me with my jacket!!! at first sight i went, 'waoh, thats a veri loud jacket indeed' but i soon learned to love my ugly child..... im so jealous of Michelle's jacket, it's so much nicer and cooler(both figuratively and literally, the design rocked and it was ClimaCool) than my own.... hmmm, and i paid more for hers too....

soon everyone started rolling in... first we battled with the chicken wings, there was blood mixed with water.... veri messy indeed, gwen actually dropped one rack of chicken wings on the floor and it slid around it like it was skating on ice.... that night i didnt dare to eat the chicken wings...

later we removed the rubber bands from the crabs and i kept poking my fingers, cherri and gwen were of great help..... gwen oh gwen, i must comment on her here as to me, she looked like wat she was doing was all a game.... i tot she wont do anything but she was veri helpful that night... and she kept complaing to me bout those who were not doing anything, loitering around and already starting to eat....

then i nearly fainted when we started to clean the sotongs aka squids... pulling their heads and bodies apart, removing their teeth, cleaning out their brains, cutting off their roe.... man it was horror to me, i wanted to take the knife and slit my throat instead.... i was so freaked out by the disgusting sight of the ink and blood and eyeballs swimming, mingling in the pail... but of course cherri and gwen made it much easier to bear... wahaha...

later The J Girl arrived, we were all pissed with her... no decency to tell us that she was not staying for the bbq as she wanted to join her bf in church... cowering away frm cherri as she was SCARED that cherri might bite her head off as she forgot she was not allowed to wear slippers to any Marlin activity.... fuck that bitch.... always an ass, pretending so she can slide her way out of trouble.... wearing that mask of hurt so that ppl will pity her....

and her freaking Camp Pacifica minutes were screwed too.... she can't do anything right... so fucking pissed with her... its like she's bent on crippling us for good...

anyways back to happier times! somewhere along the night cherri asked me to take a walk and sing with her... man was i delighted to be asked to sing! i tot nobody liked my voice haha... we sang some random songs but the last song was the best... we sang Stay The Same by Joey McIntyre... man it was a great memory....

later we cleared up the mess and while everyone started to leave, only cherri and i were left to finish wat we started... we took the leftover food home, gosh so much food was wasted... then mrs ab fetched ms neo, and the 2 of us home....

the sunday befor the bbq, zx, cherri and i went kayaking together... zx and cherri scammed their way thru and in the end we enjoyed ourselves terribly... later we went to visit edwin as he was judging(i was not) at suntec and we had a mini meeting there.... lots of issues were raised, including The J Girl... oh that bitch... later we all left, while zx went for pizzas, cherri and i went home together again... lolx, its nice having someone u know staying near u...

the tuesday after that the 3 of us met again at City Hall mrt and i treated them to Carl's Junior as promised... zx forked out some of the cash in the end... bout 4 bucks... while he was refilling his drink, cherri and i secretly told each other that we'll never eat there again, or else we'll choose something which has lots of veg...

we went to stroll at Millennia Walk and then zx took his bus home while cherri and i went back together, AGAIN.

End-Of-year camp was cool... did alot of shit work, even i reali didnt want to... on friday night i went to meet felix, johnathan, jeremy and cheng teng.... we all caught up on stuff and it seems that all of us hav changed alot... that night i lived thru alot of ol' memories...

the next day was pretty slack, i was withdrawn, dunno why i juz didnt wnt to mix ard... in the night ruth came!!! but there was lots of 'stealth' going on... ah i dun wanna talk bout that night... it ended pretty sad...

last friday the 2nd of dec, andrew veron jap me went to cafe cartel to celebrate gaby's bday!! terry was supposed to be there to hav his bday celebrated too, but he was sick... alot of ppl couldnt make it... i had alot of fun that night, there was singing, swinging and mostly talking...

man i'm sick... not gg to sch tml... camp this sat, jap presentation this wed... haix...

dolphin dolphin dolphin!!!!!!!

2005-11-10T02:49:00.000-08:00

Camp Pacifica was fantastic!!!! all the lil dolphins were cute and co-operative... though there were some hiccoughs along the way... like jas losing her kid while at ECP(megan and i found him wandering ard), no wet weather plan for one of the games(we compromised by teaching the kids campfire stuff WAY ahead of schedule), canteen damn dirty after meals... edwin was fantastic help, drilling us with things that nv popped out of our heads before... william was awesome too!! he and all his 'if a nuclear bomb were to drop on tao nan, please remain calm' speech(edwin, kevin and i laughed til our balls jiggled on that one...).... sad for xavier though, no one understands him.... i do my best to stand up for him, but looking at the way he does things sometimes(like when he was terrorizing the kids and facils during after-meal cleanups), its kinda hard to tell them that this is how he operates....

so anyways i was acting camp chief on the last day as everyone else had to disappear... i think i let lots of ppl down.... edwin expected so much out of me as i was one of the elder boys, and yet i couldn't make simple decisions without asking them whether it was the best way out.... on the last day i was veri afraid bout the canteen-cleanup after breakfast as the teachers were pushing a deadline too soon... in the end i had to drop my role as camp chief, delegate everyone their roles, and started to mop the floor (the kids didnt know how to mop... oh fuck, the teachers themselves didnt know how to mop!!! sorry for using the 'f' word up there, but that reali shocked the shit out of me...)... later william told me that i shouldnt have done so as that wouldve given the teachers a veri bad impression bout us.... too bad man, i rather they critisize me then critisize william bout not running his camp well... they were reali screwing us up... now the teachers i used to respect whole-heartedly are giving me doubts bout whether they can think or not....

so screw them.... classes began for me on tuesday as monday was last day of camp... was damn tired as during the 3 nights, i only had 5 hrs of sleep....COMBINED!!!! the last night was used to tie up all loose ends, wash toilets with edwin and worry the hell out of myself cos camp chief and asst camp chief broke down.... so anyways i struggled thru classes, but fortunately i grasped onto everything pretty well.... japanese was fun, i have lectures with tequila!!!! bullied her alot yesterday... haha!!! punch punch punch....

this sat will be our freaking debriefing, im so worried that my peeps will get the grilling of their lives... im not afriad of wat the teachers will say bout me, they've nv been in our shoes so their reasoning would be highly unbiased.... oh well, ears closed then... i'll only pay attention to william, xavier and edwin when they blast me... cos their opinions are all that count to me... okay mrs ab included.... i juz pray that all of us can make it out in one piece... and wish that the rest wont stupidly question the things we say accidentally... im worried that gwen, corine and boon ee will do that, i juz have that feeling... esp corine... im juz afraid they'll ask stupid questions that only require logic to answer.... sorry girls, no hard feeings, but this is for the welfare of Marlin, the group i've been for 6 yrs....

believe me

2005-10-27T04:33:00.000-07:00

it's thurday now, things hav happened, i've had my share of guilt and hurt... but things are better now..

hopefully..

saturday's the day that im gonna get my Dolphin shirt, hope it's nice or $20 will be lost.. but william's taste can be trusted... think we're doing more silk-screening also... having lunch paid by william this sat, he's giving us a treat cos he's the boss of camp pacifica... $100, hmm, where can we eat? cherri wanted to eat laksa, which is quite a good idea, cos everyone can eat alot..

going for judging this sunday, even though that we're still having meeting this sunday, but zx said that i was free to go... with the money i'll, haha, do something i've never done for a girl before, something that i thought that i'll only do when i'm more mature... but be assured that she'll never see it coming!! haha, unless she's shifted away, of ocurse.. flowers, flowers... i love flowers!!!

and if i were to earn enough money, i'm gonna get william to buy me an adidas shirt that looks like my judge shirt, dry-fit with zip in front and all... but im gonna get the red one, haha, william's taste for that one was veri good... then perhaps i'll get an adidas sweater with hood and all, ive always wanted something like that... hope there's still enuf money for my F1 shoes!!!

man, i've bought lots of clothes this hols... haha, im growing up... bought my 3-quarter pants from project shop BLOOD bros, damn comfortable, perhaps i'll wear them soon.. like on monday when im going to visit poh suan at her workplace! haha...

2005-10-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

last friday i went to tao nan in the night to prepare for the pacifica pre-camp... we had many a laugh, and we all slept in the dance room... it rained elephants and whales that night, we were so afraid that sat's timetable would be messed up... luckily we woke up to a beautiful morning!!!

my dolphin peeps were damn cool lar!!!! i think of all the groups, they enjoyed themselves the most... sure, amazing race was tiring and all, but we did come in second or first i think....dragon-boating was worse, they practically died... wet games was screwed, cos i was the one who designed the games, but it was guo quan and justina that executed them out... i couldnt be in charge of it as i was house cap, and besides, it's kinda their fault as i kept asking them whether they would be okay with the games and they said yes.... cant reali blame guo quan though, he was freaking stressed with justina, he told me when we played the wet games...

HOWEVER, my peeps enjoyed themselves alot as i was able to let them play to games properly!! they were all veri wet, esp wei kheam cos he was this monkey running all over the place... next up was eng wei, even though he had blisters the size of 50 cents on his feet, he still ran ard... all the girls had a great time, fei ting our motor-mouth, shi han's the girl who tot she could prevent her hair frm getting wet by wearing a cap (but i blew that, cos i removed it... it's still with me...), jas our blonde-wannabe bimbo, fei ting the quietest girl was screaming away... the rest were absent for one reason or another...

so in my heart i knew that this group of frenx will be veri close as all of us were nice and co-operative... yesterday's rock climbing cum games was not veri nice, the facilitators were kinda bored of push ball... but later on, dolphin got together to discuss stuff!!! since i prepared my cheers a long time ago, everyone learnt them in 4 minutes!!!!!!!! hoho.. then we decided that we should all make a shirt only for dolphins' facilitators! haha, my first jersy made by william's factory!! was veri excited about it...

my head's kinda blocked now, so i think there's more to say, but can't think of it now... mental block... now off to watch Witch Hunter Robin!!!

2005-10-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

According to our research, you'll be dead by

May 2063
at age 76

- probable cause -

cancer

YOU DIE:

76.0 years

AVERAGE MALE LIFE SPAN:

72.5 years

As you can plainly see, you have more health & vitality than the average man.

WHY YOU DIE?
56%	cancer
24%	car accident
13%	loneliness
5%	drowning of the lungs
2%	wounds

You have 21039.0 days left on this earth.

You've already lived 24% of your life.

A FEW COLLECTED STATISTICS
Across all 820583 test takers.

17% smoke.

42% have health insurance.

5% eat a lot of nice beef.

39% hold in farts.

13% are impressed with themselves.

	The top cause of death among relatives was cancer.
	The most widely suffered ailment among takers is high blood pressure.
	The average day for an OkCupid user involves 7.8 hours of sleep and 1.1 movements of the bowel.

puma Ferarri shoes, birkenstocks sandals.... all mine!!!!

2005-10-15T19:16:00.000-07:00

last thurs i went swimming, went home to play xbox, when joel called me to go to jap's place! haha, veron and her fren amanda were there too... we played The Incredibles, X-Men Legends and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.... veron and amanda left while joel and i stayed for dinner... jap's parents were veri nice to us, his dad told alot of in-house jokes!!! haha...

on friday, i went to tao nan for a campfire for all the unifromed groups in the sch... kai shian and sheila were there!!!! haha.... i reali enjoy their company alot.... when sheila was not there yet, kai shian and i were talking bout my ex.... she was so surprised to find out that i already had a gf at 12 yrs old??? poor girl, i didnt tell her that i already had a gf when i was in kindergarden.... hahahaha!!! wanna treat her to coffee soon, cos she's going back to australia sooon to do her degree... awwww..... but kai shian was always a great person to talk to... i think she still can't believe her luck, she spent $174 on a certain SOMETHING while i got IT free!!!! hahaha, no wonder she said she couldnt afford to pay for the Rover registration fee....

yesterday there was alot of outbursts made by camp chief, funny i used to be in that position... heh heh... anyway william made all of us envious.... now i wanna buy the F1 puma shoes and birkenstocks sandals at a veri cheap price!!!!

not doing anything today, perhaps i'll juz slack my day away....

eudora, our coffee session!!!

a pic i used Macromedia Fireworks to edit... i love Robin Sena!!!!

suckao!!!!

2005-10-11T22:14:00.000-07:00

oh man!!! yesterday was reali fun!!!

in the morning i went to swim at bedok swimming complex, and when while i was on the way out, i saw tequila!!! ahhhhh so when she told me she was swimming with her fren, she was going there as well....

in the afternoon i took bus 22 frm tampines to veron's home, and when i reached there, veron asked me to wait for charissa... man, when she came, it was nice to be able to talk to her about stuff... we havent talked like that for a veri long time... we later went to veron's house and watch movies til the rest came...

we could only play tennis at ard 6 as gaby arrived at that time with the raccquets.... oh the joy!!! but it wasnt meant to last... someone booked the courts already... awwww... we went to play on the swings and guyson and i went to play soccer with veron's twim bros... lolx... it was like a flashback...

joel and veron went to book the tennis courts frm 8 to 10... so we went to hav dinner first... that was when SUCKAO appeared!!!! lolx, joel got punched by veron countless times, even though one of the punches was meant for me.... haha, sorry for being crude here, but who wants to go and suckao?? hoho....

there were no empty tables to accomondate all 8 of us, so we went to a hakwer center near Chomp Chomp... obviously there was no space as we reached there at 7?? the last time there was enough seats as we went there at 5... so anyway someone said, 'who wants to eat kang kong??' and suddenly andrew, veron, guyson, terry, charis and gaby filled a table... only jap, joel and i were left... but we ate alot!!! and did crazy stuff together, like imitating those food critics on television!! haha, though we spent alot of money as there was only the 3 of us sharing food, we had a great time... a plus was watching the other table looking at our food longingly... heh heh!!!

so later we went back to veron's house to play tennis... andrew, gaby and charis didnt join us as they went home... i stayed for a lil while, then went back too....

this morning i went to TP to submit some documents and i went to swim in the pool... omg the pool was great!!! it was like my private pool, har har!!! wanna swim there tml again!!!

tuesday's coming soon!

2005-10-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

sorry i forgot to mention that while we were waiting for glor to appear, tequila and i were talking bout how poor veron gets punched by the boys in her class, but then i remembered that veron used to punch me as well, so my sympathy dried up pretty quickly... i then demonstrated to tequila how the boys MAY punch veron, by punching tequila on the right shoulder... then she started crapping again, and boasted that all she needed to do was to kick... i dared her and she kicked, but i caught her thigh, but quickly dropped it again...

so u were trying to entertaion me huh? lolx, dun lie larx, that's the way u reali are! lolx... u better show urself this tuesday okay? wanna play frisbee with u again..

tml i'm going swimming by myself!! hohohoho... wanna get back my flipper-ish skills again...

demeter!!!!

2005-10-08T01:31:00.000-07:00

yesterday juz rocked lar... i met tequila at bedok mrt station at 2.45pm, then we took an mrt to pasir ris to get seats, then headed back to city hall to transfer to marina bay!!!! along the way she was crapping alot lar.... she's juz getting crazier and crazier.... missed her company alot, it's been a long time since i could talk sooooo freely to a fren... had lots of fun trying to be sarcastic to her, always contradicting myself juz to see her bewildered look... HAHA! things are like so cool between me and my best fren...

anyway we reached there 15 mins early, and then she started complaining... drew was early, always punctual that ass... and so the ppl started rolling in along the way.... guyson frightened the shit out of drew and me as he said that ben lim(sticky mouse aka flirt-with-ur-fren's- love- interest) and mingshan were coming.... it turned out that it was joel and jasper who were with him!! then jap came, and xavier was tailing behind him.... veron and charissa came next... finally terence(whoosh!) and gaby came frm sch.... so we slowly made our way to the big field... everyone except joel, guyson, jasper and i bought kites even though i reali wanted to fly one... the 4 of us wanted to see the progression of the others first and if it was good, then we'll get our own kites... everyone seemed to be having a miserable time so i bought a frisbee and that was when things picked up for us... we laughed at tequila frm afar as she was standing there stoning, not doing anything with her kite... i felt bad after that....

terence couldn't stop praising my new-found frisbee-throwing skills, as i was the only one who could throw it straight... charissa looked like she was having lots of fun, she improved later on... the next time we hav an outing, lil frisbee will be in my bag....

after that we played ice and water(a childhood game) and then we went to play pool somewhere close... haha, i played with drew but he didnt break the table properly n we had trouble playing... then after that i played with tequila and we had the same problem... i purposely gave her some lee-way but she wasnt reali focusing.... sorry man, i still won in the end... we took pics but i wasnt in all of them haha, the game was more impt to me... however i did take a pic with tequila though...

when the pool-time ended, tequila had to go home for dinner, so i took the bus with her to the mrt station.... on the way she was crapping again... as gloria was on her way, tequila decided to wait for her and when glor arrived, they embraced each other like sisters.... bye bye tequila!!

whyile we were walking to the bus stop, glor asked me how i was, then she inquired on tequila... i told glor that tequila has a new bf and glor said that if the guy were to her, she'll kill him... then glor said something kinda sad, 'although we're not reali close, but i'll still kill him for her...'

'oh glor, didnt u know that michelle(that's tequila's real name) regards u as a veri good fren?'
'reali?! i didnt know that!'
'yeah there was once she wrote bout MI on her blog, and she said that she missed everyone, esp u!! she reali regards u as a close fren, thats why she stayed behind to see u first...'
'omg! i'm so touched!'

yeah, i juz brought 2 girls closer together... on the way i told her how much i missed she and jap... during our Mi days we were forever hanging out with each other cos we were like the kind of ppl that would find us weird and stuff... but even though we were nerds and freaks, our friendship stayed strong...

'i think we were the voice of the group, the most unique, the loudest, the most outgoing!'
'well, glor, i tot that perhaps it was because we were the most eccentric, the weirdest of them all, thats why we could get along so well....'
'true true!!'

and we put our hands over each others shoulders, looking veri much like a couple indeed... it was cool... i love being a nerd, an outcast... i guess the real reason why we can all click well is because all 3 of us hav been picked on since childhood... jap's the worst off now though... even today ppl are still sending anonymous hate msgs thru his blog's tag board...that's cos he's reali veri Diva-ish, but can't ppl understand that he's not a sissy?!?! and i think they're juz jealous that he can sing veri well and that he's had many gigs already.... so i think only the 3 of us can understand each other veri well, as we've been thru the same shit toghether... i dunno why but i feel exceptionally close to them, i feel like i can sacrifice anything for them without hesitating, and i hope they feel as close as how i feel for them too!!!

anyway enough of the sad stuff, this was supposed to be a happy blog entry! glor was doubtful when i made her take a chatered-van to the restaurant (while tequila and i were away, the rest went on to get a restaurant already...), but luckily we arreived at our destination... we ate and ate and ate, told lots of jokes, asked stupid riddles, alot of bitching between our 2 Divas drew and jap, and then guyson decided that we MUST meet up again... as usual, some ppl decided to hold their conversation in private, so jasper and i were like, 'do u know what they're whispering about?!'

'i dunno too!'

when everyone was well-fed, our dear ol' jap sang for us.. some were saying how they felt like sleeping then and there as the food and live entertainment was that good, while others like joel kept becoming the anti-climax by knocking chopsticks on a bowl in tune to jap's rhythm, waving his hands like as if he's in a concert, making stupid remarks suddenly... joel's a reali nice guy, i'm still wondering why he didnt ask jen to come along for our outing.... then glor joined in in the singing, and we were treated to a fantastic duet... sorry, lemme go download 'When You Believe' frm the Prince of Egypt soundtrack as i'm too mesmerised by how glor can sing hebrew... in the mean time, i'll go look for the lyrics as well...

on the bus, jap continued singing so i kinda attatched myself to that part of the group... when we were on the mrt we were still speculating wat's happening next week... as the others left for the merlion, xavier and i left first as we were tired and needed to go home...

at home glor called me to bring me updates... in fact it wasnt reali an update, she juz asked me to orgainze a trip to veron's house... YEAH! veron's house!!! there's a thousand and one things to do there... im sooo happy we're going there! well since im organizing it, i wun make it on a friday so tequila can stay for dinner wth us! as she's catholic, she's required not to eat meat on fridays...

but what did glor say when she heard this?

'i'm a catholic, but do i look like i care?!'

gaming...

2005-10-04T04:55:00.000-07:00

i think i'm starting to miss sch already.. seeing all the unfriendly faces, cos it's like they hav a personal vendetta against u, i miss that feeling... i feed on anger.... MUAH HAHAHA...

bought a new game today, it's called Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects... reali fun, veri cool... spider-man rox my sox as usual... weiting u shld lay this, spidey's reali awesome! oh dear, i forgot, weiting doesn't knw about this blog.... anyways...

hope i can play more of it tonight... wolverine is cool too, his claws are reali long, like those of a gadget pole...

revamped again

2005-10-03T02:08:00.000-07:00

i revamped my blog juz a lil bit today... added blog title, changed colours of the date, time and title as well, and changed the pic at the tag page.... the pic was taken at joyce's bday celebration, and as the pic suggests, the 2 of us were trying to claim each other's life... har har...

a fren named edwina is using my pics frm friendster for her autograph book, but then i told her that most of the pics in there show me without much hair... so for the sake of her autograph book, i decided to put some new pics in there....

things are going reali slow these days, perhaps in 2 weeks time i would start to miss TP....

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH..............

missing all my godsisters veri much... sorry li ping, i was veri quiet last week during our xeon meeting... i was juz thinking alot at that moment...

new pic

2005-10-02T00:15:00.000-07:00

changed the pic at the archives page... now it shows me, felix, johnathan, peili, stephanie and priscilla at the airport, sending stephanie off...

steffy, dun fret bout wat the main-comm members said to u alrites? hold ur head up high!!

the truth

2005-09-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

Life is the process of finding love, every person
will need to find four people in their life.

First person is you,
Second person is the one you love most,
Third person is the one who love you most,
And the fourth is the one you spend the rest of
your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet with the one you
love most, and learn how love feels.
Because you know how love feels, so you can
find the person who loves you most.
When you have experienced the feeling of
loving
others and being loved,
you will then know what it is you need most.
Then you will find the person who is most
suitable for
you,
to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are
usually not
the same person.

The one you love most doesn't love you.
The one, who love you most, is never the one
you love
most.
And the one you spend your life with,
is never the one you love most or the one who
love
you most.
She is just the person who happens to be at
the right
place at the right time.

Which person are you in other people's life?

No person will purposely have a change of
heart.
At the point in time when she loves you, she
really
loves you.
But when she doesn't love you anymore, she
really
doesn't love you anymore.
When she loves you, she can't pretend that
she
doesn't.
Same goes, when she loves you no more,
there's no way she can pretend she loves you.

When a person doesn't love you and wants to
leave
you.
You must ask yourself if you still love her,
If you also don't love her anymore,
do not keep her just to save your pride.
If you still love her, you should wish her
happiness,
and hope that she will be with the one she
loves most,
not stop her from it.
If you stop her from finding true happiness with
the
one she loves,
it shows you already don't love her,
And if you don't love her,
what rights do you have to blame her for a
change of
heart?

Love is not possessive,
If you like the moon,
you can't just take it down and put it in your
basin,
But the moonlight still shines upon you.
In other words, when you love a person,
you can use another method of possessing the
person.
Let her become a permanent memory in you
life.
If you really love a person, you must love her
for what
she is.
Love her for her good points, and the bad,
You can't wish for her to become like
what you like her to be just because you love
her.
If she can't change to become what you like
her to
be,
you don't love her anymore.

When you really love a person,
you cannot find a reason why you love her,
You only know that no matter when and
where,
good mood or bad mood,
you will wish to have this person be with you.
Real love is when two people can go through
the
toughest problems
without asking for promises or listing criterias.
In a relationship, you have to put in effort and
give in
at times,
not always be on the receiving end.
Being away from each other is a type of test,
If the relationship isn't strong, then you can
only admit
defeat.
Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love,
They love to ask each other to swear, to make
promises.
Why do they ask each other to swear and
promise?
Because they don't trust each other, they don't
trust
their lover.
These swear and promises are useless;
Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for
you will
never change!
We all know that the sky will never fall; the
ocean will
never dry,
Even if it does happen, are we still alive by
then?

Be careful when making promises;
don't make promises that you cannot keep.
Swear by things that can never happen,
because it can never happen, so no harm just
saying
it casually.

(read this on friendster, Tequila posted it on the bulletin board... i can't help but feel that wat is said is veri true... for me, i reali hav to move on with life already... i can't juz hang on to something that's never gonna happen... u were right steffy, the someone who loves me is out there, and i hav to find her... it's been how many yrs already, and yet i haven't learnt to let go of things that will nv be mine... GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

a new...

2005-09-21T04:25:00.000-07:00

my jiejie's got a new bloggggggggggggg.... OH NO!! to think i created one for her already, for her bday prezzie... then her fren had to go revamp it for her... for all those who love li ping as much as i do, come visit her blog,

http://mylittledreamygarden.blogspot.com

its veri nice... definitely better than mine... she's got so many internal links!!! but no tag... lolx... jiejie, xeon must get together soon!! dunno how to tell u man...that i miss u, my godsis so much...

going to watch the Kim Possible movie, "Disney's Kim Possible Movie: So The Drama" soon... hope i wun cry, cos it seems veri tear-jerking... anyway the past few days i found some fantastic japanese songs, and they're all veri sad-sounding.. jiejie, come tag me soon... u asked me to tag u everytime, but u didnt tag me huh....?

california

2005-09-18T04:20:00.000-07:00

here i am at suntec, things are starting to slow down as the tournament is about to end, so i tot i'll juz update my blog for a while...

on friday, i spent my entire morning enticipating bout Survivor... stephanie lagrossa was rumoured to come back for a second shot at the million bucks.. so there i was, waiting for 1pm to come.. it didnt... in the end it was already 1.50pm, i had to leave to end stephanie(my niece, not the Survivor) off to california... i was veri emo there, i couldnt bare for her to leave... did lots of funny stuff to express my longing for her even efore she left... i reali dint want her to leave... so anyway im no going to mention wat i did, cos i'll save those stories... at night i went to felix's house, then to johnathan's ouse, and then to johnathan's other house(which he was holding a party)...

on saturday morning i went to Tao Nan to plan the camp, and it was a veri informal meeting... though there were only 3 of us there(zx, cherri and myself... the rest were missing as they weren't part of designing the camp's programme), we had lots of fun hanging around... we enoyed ourselves tremendously when we experimented with Google Earth on zx's laptop... at night i went for a family dinner, enuff said....

this morning i reached here quite early... now starving for dinner...

man... i dunno whats wrong, but i feel im veri out of place all of a sudden... then i keep telling myself that i dun need frenx in this life, only to find myself feeing sick bou that thought oments later... but seriously, sometimes i feel that i dun hav to depend on friendship to survive.. now i think i know how tequila feels... we come to this earth alone, and we leave it alone...

see you

2005-09-15T05:49:00.000-07:00

listening to maia lee's See You now...

went out shopping at suntec today.. wanted to get Dead Or Alive 3, but instead i went to centerpoint to get a pouch... it's veri sporty-looking...

tml i'm gonna send my niece, stephanie, off to USA... will miss her alot...

nothing left to say here...

drawing

2005-09-14T04:26:00.000-07:00

amazingly, after more than a yr of not drawing Manga, i found out that i still havent lost my touch at all... if only my scanner was working!!! then i could upload some of my drawings to show the world... anyway all my drawings are of girls, in fact 3 of them are of the same girl with freckles.. lolx, she's so cute...

hmmmx, it seems that not many ppl arew online these few days, wonder wat they're doing now that the holidays are here... i seriously want a job to earn some cash, but something's holding me back.. i just want to lay in bed all day long, drawing Manga, reading books, watch some TV, play my beloved XboX... damn this holiday is getting quite boring... oooooooooh juz remembered i hav a job prospect at Settler's Cafe which is in Clarke Quay, the bosses there do judging with me at VS Systems... in fact i hav a up-coming tournament this sunday!!! gtg ask colin whether he wants me to work there... cos he did say he wanted ppl frm respective poly, jc and uni to represent their sch in gaming... and without even having to go for any iunterview/trial/watchamamacallit, i'm already selected for TP!! yahoo! but i dunno whether that plan is gonna be implemented or not... imagine me, representing all the gamer geeks of TP.... hohoho, i'll be the hero of all the geeks and nerds...

as i said previously, i've been having veri weird dreams these few days... wonder wat the hell's going on in my head.. hmmm....

stuffed crust...

2005-09-12T04:48:00.000-07:00

i juz had dinner, it was pizza!! haha, besides having a craving for chocolate, my next greatest weakness is pizza!!! stuffed crust is sooo good for me...

went to snow city yesterday... reali fun...

the night before that, i dreamt of someone dear to me... AHAHA!!! u know who u are... then i happened to dream bout u last night dude... man! but yesterday's dream was scary, grrr... yeah well u said that at least i was looking for u when i told u bout my 1st dream... but yesterday's dream was horrible, i wish it never come true... did u watch Red Eye? well, throw me into the lead female's role, change the murderer into a middle-aged man, and u'll get a rough idea of my dream...

but in fact i wasnt only protecting u man, the assasin actually wanted to kill u and another fren of mine, but i was more worried bout u... it was so crazy, that guy actually called to ask me to intro u 2 girls to him... but i wasn't going to let him hurt u, lolx...

anyway enuf of the dreams... i'll just bore everyone off... thanks jiejie for coming here to (try to) console me!! i'm alright, im not angry or anything... i'm juz kinda feeling funny.. how things like these never work out for me, the more i crave, the less chance i'll get it...

oh well, quoting Beautiful Day by U2,

'what u dun have, u dun need it now.. wat u dun hav, u dun need it somehow...'

so jiejie, hope we can see each other soon....~!

sobx...

2005-09-10T03:14:00.000-07:00

1 week of waiting...

...1 week of anticipation...

...1 week of planning...

...1 week of hoping...

all for today.

but then, fate wun hav it my way..

who's fault is it? was it deliberate? or was it divine?

hope it's the latter...

but why?

rushed to buy stuff yesterday, wat a rush it was... i was procrastinating so much yesterday..

all for today.

i was supposed to be enjoying myself now, 6.30pm... supposed to be there by 7.30pm, supposed to be watching the movie at 8pm...

but here i am, blogging my way thru all the shattered anticipation...

all because i put in too much for today...

hope ur tummy is feeling better dude...

wonderful

2005-09-09T06:36:00.000-07:00

it was reali fantastic today! exams finally ended, outings with ol' pals, talking to kym ng over national television!!! hahahaha, i reminded her bout the last time, when i saw her at tampines mall's Fila shop, and corine was taking photos of her... yeah she's still wearing those angel wings of hers... she's veri friendly, and she even said johnathan was cute!!!! too bad he's 17, or else he could've played that game in her show too...

well anyway, we went to watch The Cave, was boring, though i did jump out of my seat a few times... then did some shopping to prepare for tml's outdoor movie... went to parkway, ate there during dinner and did more shopping... and came back home to blog...

man, im so tired... and i can't help but feel that this holiday is going to be boring too.... not planning of going overseas... wanna stay here, in the secureness of my country... anyway, i hope tml's gonna be reali fun, or else i would've risked borrowing that groundsheet for nothing... and carrying it all over the place...

hope to blog more often when time permits me to...

2005-09-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

havent blogged for a long time... my exam on tuesday was fine, eudora gave me a crash course on maths that morning... lolx... but i still think im gonna fail... cant be helped...

went to sch this morning to do some studies with farhan... on my way back i saw li ping's twin, which i mistaken for the Real McCoy... accidentally waved to tequila(who i didnt noticed was there) when i was trying to catch her twin's attention....

life's kinda boring, cos i've been studying alot... one last paper tml, and it'll all end... then, YEAH!! haha, outings all coming my way... tml's get-together with my pri 6 cronies, sat's venture meeting(still pending) and outdoor movie... cousin joyce's birthday smash, MRI next monday(hope i dun fall asleep), lots of shopping, perhaps a job would do me good... possible date with jiejie, Corpse Bride with astralyn and winnie, send-off for Stephanie(the indonesian princess is going to the US to study there, hope her younger sis stays in s'pore though...), unplanned Xeon gathering, pri 4 camp... and lots of other stuff which details i fail to recall now... hope ruth comes back to s'pore, miss talking to her til 2 in the morning, then she'll serenade me to sleep...

hate sitting at home doing nothing much, wanna go out and spend my time doing something worthwhile, like learning salsa or something...

i watched the longest yard today.... was reali funny and all, not much slapstick humour(which i despise)... yeah so here i am trying to identify which role kevin nash played in that movie on the net while i found out that he's acting in next yr's Dead or Alive Movie!!! arrgh..... at least devon aoki plays as...

MY SWEET, ADORABLE, CUTE, LOVELY, ASS-KICKING KASUMI!!!!!!!!!

wahahahahaha!!!!

well it better be good... i wanna see ppl fly, blood spill, girls squeal, things bounce... oh too graphic... oooooooooooooooooooooh noooooooooooooooooooo, ayane would be played by a freakin' american????? omg wtf 6969.... how can that be? i mean, didnt they know that ayane(sweet, tempremental ayane) was JAPANESE???? she and kasumi are related!!!! kasumi's dad's brother is the dude who raped kasumi's mum, then popped came out ayane.............

pictures, pictures

2005-09-02T03:50:00.000-07:00

i revamped my blog!!! i added a pic to every internal link!!! wahahaha... man, my blog is getting real personal...

was talking to my Tasmanian friend, Storm, juz now... we met on linkin park's Numb journal website and tot that we should get to know each other(this was months ago)... so today we exchanged pics and she said i was cute!!!!! omg wtf?! an 'ang moh' busty gal calling me cuteeeeeeeeeeee..... her pic is on the Profile link... oh man!!! and she's reali cool, being bi-sexual and all... wahahaha... im so proud of myself... and i told her that she was pretty too...

i placed all the pics in a strategic position,

1. armpit-kissing is on the main page as thats wat alot of ppl recall me for(im famous for that incident, thus it must be on the main page!!!)
2. Storm is on profile page as she's reali an eye-candy.. my profile(good looks) must've been the reason why she called me cute...
3. tequila and i are on the blog page as she's the only one who reali understands me, i guess... we've been frenx for so long.. and furthermore, she's the only one who gives me constant feedback bout this blog...
4. michelle and i on tag page as i want her to tag me. simple reason.... U LOVE BIG FONT!!
5. the MI gang on links page as most of the links there are theirs... and it was jap and gloria who persuaded me to continue blogging...
6. deborah and i on archives page as there was alot of vacant space.. the pic was blur, so i had to maximize it....

yeah so thats it... enjoy ur meal together with ur frens, michelle and stef!!!!

love is sucidal...

2005-09-01T05:17:00.000-07:00

changed my blog's skin!!! yes i know im supposed to be studying!!!

but it's reali nice and all...

the skin is a dedication to my 3 buddies, tequila, michelle and inner-thigh girl... yes love sucks, but don't the 4 of us crave it like a pill? anyway dun take it to heart, im not reali sucidal or stuff, juz tot that, 'hey! this is cool!'

gonna stop talking now, cos i need to study before Lost starts!!! rofl!! hope u guys enjoy it man...

errr hmmm

2005-08-31T05:01:00.000-07:00

even though i said im not gonna blog veri soon, i keep having the habit of coming online to do stuff that are not important at all...

today was teachers' day celebration in bds... woke up veri early to meet douglas at 8am... i reached there first though... said all my hi's to the peeps in the HOD office... yup.. then the two of us went gallavanting around the sch, kept seeing natasha... it seems that the first time i saw her today, i sneezed and it did sound something like, 'BI-AAAATCH!' lolx, douglas kept laughing.. mrs djie not eating again, so i bought her a sandwich, in fear that stef would kill me for not feeding her mum... at least i tried...

it seemed that time was dragging today, the two of us kept waiting for the stupid concert to start... it was supposed to commence at 10.30 lar, but then it only started at 12!!! omg wtf... saw alot of ppl today, the more memorable ones include xavier, tequila, choon hwee and bendy..

i found out bout the thing for michelle... hope she's not too stressed out.. dude, u gotta stop caring for others so much... stop thinking bout whether u're gonna turn into a liability if u tell him... u'll crack under the strain man! it's alrite, to be selfish once in a while... thank God, u finally updated ur blog!! however it still doesnt tell me anything bout the camp...

yes, yes... stef and michelle are in the same course, so obviously both know each others workload... i gotta say michelle, stefanie's acronym is stef, not steph... she likes the 'f' in her name...

may i formally introduce michelle to stefanie... stef, this is michelle... and michelle, this is stef... hope u guys can get along fine.. perhaps even meet up together, and tell each other how u hate me so much... heh heh...

may i also introduce tequila to michelle, and vice-versa... tequila, this is michelle... and michelle, this is tequila... both of u hav half the same name... MICHELLE LEE... dots... ur chinese names are different though... so lolx...

waiting for stef to fix her com, waiting for michelle to come home frm meeting, waiting for tequila to stop mugging.... wtf?! i'll go offline now i guess, i'm tired of waiting...

it feels funny tequila, how i used to remember all my dreams without any problems... however i cant remember any from these 2 weeks... i got a vague idea of this afternoon's dremas though... and all were good.. perhaps i sleep too much... i dunno why, but i spend half the day sleeping now, guess i'm too exhausted from the frist 2 terms.. i never had enuf sleep until now...

I WANT MY DREMAS BACK!! I WANT TO INTERPRET YOU!!!

thats why i want to find out whats wrong with me.. is it because something's bugging me, or hav i finally lost my touch of predicting the future using ESP? i dun want it to be this way... i want to feel what those close to me are feeling... perhaps i should meditate or something, to calm my nerves... damn, only one person in this world would know wtf i'm talking about, cos we spent 3 years talking bout it...

right, tequila?.............. .............................. ........................ .............................. i know u love ur dots!!

my frenx

2005-08-29T06:58:00.000-07:00

i juz added 2 new ppl here on my blog! welcome zhen xiong and cherri!

whoops, still got nothing worth saying.... zx's blog is veri cool... go visit it dudes... u'll laugh man!

stef, ur com still not working?! wtf... man, how long do u wanna drag til? im sorry bout how u feel bout ur grades or work...

tequila, i'm gonna write a letter to u soon.. was packing my room this morning and i dug out ur letter and christmas card to me frm last yr.... lolx... feel like writing the old-fashioned way man... so long nv write essay liao, so u'll be my teacher!! wahahaha.....

ahhhh ruth, ruth... all i can say is,

'SOBX....'

tremors..

2005-08-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

i just deleted yesterday's post... i found it to be a lil too private for anyone to read...

anyway i'm gonna study alot soon, as exams are coming.. may not blog for a while, so pls dun mind.. sorry, tequila...

and i said wat about, breakfast at stefanie's?

2005-08-25T04:08:00.000-07:00

and i said,' wat about, breakfast at stefanie's?'

hope u can make it for breakfast tml steffy... oh great. juz great, i forgot.. steffy doesnt read this blog ANYMOREEEEEEEE..... sobx... oh waitasec, i'm rushing things... steffy may still come here, it's juz that perhaps she doesnt tag!!!!!

og great she juz replied, steffy has a deadline to rush, so she's gonna work her arse off... so we're not gonna hav breakfast then... damn... anyway my frenx and i were waliking to design's canteen(the Designer Pad) and there in the midst of the crowd, sitting all by herself, i saw something yellow waving her hand which was thrusted out to the front, as if parallel to the ground... c'mon who waves her hands like that?! it's such an ineffective way of getting attention, u juz look like u're wiping an invisible wall in front of u... then i realised that it was stef...

right away i juz broke off frm my clique and sat in front of her, she was being selfish, asking me to go buy cheese fries so she can nip some... yes my dear stefanie, french fries do cause breast cancer, but if u've known that, why did u eat mine? anyway besides ordering cheese fries i ate those kind of economic meals, and i ate 3 different types of vegetables! THREE!!! i've never done that out of my own free will before...

oh well, we chatted and stuff... looks like i've seen her sis before, then again, it could be someone else...

great memories...

2005-08-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

yesterday would be one of the most memorial days of my life... i've finally came clean with michelle, and yeah, i didnt expect everything to go on so smoothly!! lolx, i would reali want to tell u guys wat we were talking about yesterday, but....

1. i'm too tired
2. i dun think it's nice for me to say it out anyway...
3. it's a secret that i'll take to my grave
4. i dun get paid for telling the story anyway (so pls make a donation!)

however i'll be quoting frm yesterday's talk every now and then.. so yeah, keep ur eyes open... all i can say is that the word 'nice' apeared many times and there were lots of CAPS LOCK yesterday... we chatted for about 8 hours over msn yesterday... 8 FREAKING HOURS...

anyway all i can say is that things now were much better than before... i was devastated during the Age of Tequila, crying non-stop during the Age of Gaby, but now even after revealing my feelings, i think we're still juz as close... or even closer, cos we were talking bout almost everything yesterday.. and yes, the movie during the holidays is still on...

stef dun be surprised that i happen to be such a 'tremendously selfless, great' person, cos as i said many times, i'm not like most guys... but i know u cant believe me too, why would i do things that reap me no gain? well i hav one answer for u... to be able to love someone so much is a gift by itself to me already... i actually like to love.... so yeah, i dun think i'll juz give up on love so easy, it makes me feel whole again...

that feeling, rushing to the veri tip of ur toes, the tingling sensation... isnt it beautiful? since tequila, i couldnt help but feel that love itself was already so great to me, i didnt need her to love me back, it was enuf for me to be able to hold onto it... okaaaaay i know im going around in circles... but i feel so happy! its like as if a perpetual ring of light is shining on me wherever i go... damn, cant help but smile now...

i wanna teach u guys something, tequila taught me that in sec 2, and i taught michelle not too long ago... 'if u love someone, it doesnt mean u hav to own her... as long as she's happy, u should be happy too!' yeah stef i told u bout this before as well.. it'll be the greatest thing ive ever learnt in life, cos it's so handy... thanks tequila, im quite positive that u didnt know that a simple sms would influence me so much when u first sent it out to me... well it has...

add-on...

2005-08-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

i forgot to mention that we (zx, justina, her bf and i) had lunch at KFC in suntec yesterday... rui fang was working there!!! lolx, she treated me to an O.R fillet burger... was reali happy... ate alot.. after eating zx and i were coumting our blessings, cos at first he suggested that the 2 of us chip in $11 to buy a family meal... which meant 8 pieces of chicken? thats 4 for both of us... naaaahhh... so yeah, after eating a piece and a burger(in my case i ate 2), we could barely move.... thanks rui fang, i owe u one... next time when i go to suntec on a sunday, most probably when i judging at tournaments, i'll definitely come visit u....

i was lying in bed last night, and i was feeling that i may be giving a wrong impression to some ppl who read this blog diligently.. may i announce that Li Ping is juz my god-sis, and even though i can sound that way, i am not in love with her, niether do i hav a crush on her...................................

IT'S JUZ THAT I GET SOOO EXCITED WHEN I SEE HER!!!!!!!!!!!

lolx, there's n0thing more to it... anyway i was reflecting on myself not too long ago, and i remembered something, the crazy things i do for friends...

tequila, remember last year i typed ur essay for u, as u sent me ur essay... THRU SMS?!?! lolx... haha... i remembered that there were 12 sms all together... man, the 3 yrs that we spent time together were some of the best times of my life... and then u had to go and spoil it all by quitting MI, the day u cried and drowned me with ur feelings were one of the worst days of my life... sometimes i feel that i could've done more to make u stay dude.. so many other things happened while u were away... all of us sorely missed u so much... yes and i remember we talked for 3 hrs that night, i went to sleep at 2.30, woke up at 5.30 and hahahaha, i had fever... well it's not ur fault, i was the one that wanted to talk to u, to keep u company... and the fact that those few days, everyone around us were sick already...

we gotta stay on as frenx man... we may not be best frenx now, as we rarely sms each other, but thank you, my buddy, for all the great times.. the times we cried(?), laughed, talked... they'll always hav a place in my heart dude...

michelle, i'm still waiting for ur blog to appear...

stef, u seem to hav posted ur latest entry twice...

hmmpf...

2005-08-21T06:43:00.000-07:00

on friday i was attacked by poh suan a few times... first, she attacked me in the lecture hall before eng fund... she used her hand to ruffle my hair in front of everybody.... SO EMBARRASSING!!! ppl would get the wrong idea, man.... then after sch while i was doing project in one of the free-access-labs (FAL), she came in and gave me the most terrifying massage i've ever received in my life... she was FREAKING squeezing my shoulders as if they did her a personal wrong!!!! ouch, and all her frens frm 04 and 07 were there watching me squirm like a worm... then later, most shocking, was that she asked to see my Livestrong band... so i took it out and then she ran away with it, shouting that she wanted to wear it and she would only return it to me next week....

WTF?! the Livestrong band is the most precious accessory to me as i wear it for its significance, that ppl with cancer must never give up on themselves.... last year i was suspected to hav cancer, however i didnt want to be tested, so im still pending.... but even so, my granduncle juz died of cancer, my fren's mum has breast cancer, so many ppl ard me hav it... damn... i'll be lucky juz to get it back in 1 piece...

yesterday i was on the way to venture meeting when i saw yong cong, guo quan and gwen! we were all coming frm diff directions(except for that 2 lovebirds) ... then later while i was waiting for the bus to tao nan, i saw LI PING!!!! my god-sis!!! wahahaha... man was i happy... at first i couldnt recognize her, then i tot that maybe thats her twin sis, then i realized that this twin had straight hair, then i couldnt believe my luck, then i shouted,

'LI PING!!'

i guess she was surprised to see me as well... yeah we chatted for a while, she was going to sch for BSC but she was buying something while on the way... then came her trademark question, 'how are uU?'... lolx, then i repeated the question to emphasise that i was supposed to be the one asking the qn... then she showed me her outbreak of pimples, then i told her to look at mine instead... lolx... the rest of the day i couldnt help thinking bout her, i even set her pic as my wallpaper in my phone... after meeting xavier (my venture leader) saw my phone and mockingly pretended to dial her number (i told him her name, then he searched for her number in my phone)... in a while, he reali called her number!!! 69omgwtf69.... later that night we celebrated my mum's birthday with aunt cindy and megan...

today i went for venture meeting in the morning, i was to help zx settle the meeting proposal... justina brought her bf along as well, and he gave alot of good tips... then later i went to elin's house to do project, then we transferred to mcdonald's to do it instead...

came back home and started on project... once settled i went to read li ping's blog... gosh... i messaged her to ask her whether she was fine... i offered to be there for her if she needed someone to talk to... then she replied saying,

'thanks boy. sorry been busy lately.. havent got time to talk to uU...meanwhile do take lots care ok? holiday meet up! hugs'
'yeah actually i called you yesterday to ask u out for a movie during the holidays... lolx...'

yes i know my reply was a big lie, but hey, i hav the intention to bring her out for a movie... well she hasnt reply yet, maybe she's thinking of an excuse now... lolx... tequila, i tot u said u needed to study??how come u're still gaming maple sea???

michelle im still waiting for u to come online, so u can update ur blog while i read it to see wat the SU camp was like....

tag me!!!

she...

2005-08-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

i'll always have li ping...here by my side...

did u know how happy i was when she told me that??? lolx... li ping li ping, my godsis/girlfriend/girl/hugger speaks to me as if we were in love, in a relationship... man im so glad to hav such a fren, she's like, so romantic!! or maybe she doesnt realise the way she speaks... or even better, maybe she DOES... muah ha ha ha!!!! wish she's reali fine with her probs... of course, maybe she lied to me, juz to make me worry less for her...

haha, tequila we rock man...!! stop spamming my tag pls... it's reali precious to me...lolx... why no update on ur blog yet?? ive been waiting...

michelle, all the best for the camp!!! li ping said that she made it into SU, but since she's busy, she cant go... man, everyone's dropping out like moths to a flame.... hope u're not alone when u go tml... make more frenx ya? tc dude...

stef... on ur blog, how can u make boys sound so simple-minded??? give them something that fascinates them and they'll do all the work?? lolx... u cant juz dangle a carrot in front of us...

ruth, havent heard frm u for a looooooong time!!! perhaps u dun even know the add to this blog?! anyways, enjoy ur skiing trip... whoosh!!!

man im sooo happy today.... li ping, she made my day!!!! :)

fall to fly

2005-08-17T03:50:00.000-07:00

my dream is falling apart, stef wants to drop out of SU... but she feels bad as she said that im making her feel guilty as i wanted it so much when she didnt... damn, now im feeling guilty too... hope that she passes her interview in design studies club... ah well, if i do get in(which by now, i dun even think bout it anymore), at leats i still hav a few frenx in there... maybe if i do get in, i want out too...

to think we once promised each other that we'll meet each other at the top of SU together... dreams were meant to be broken, and i feel that this is still the best way for us... good luck buddy...

dots....

2005-08-16T04:16:00.000-07:00

how is someone going to enjoy his privacy when there are constant interruptions?!~ i juz wanna be alone, last week while i was eating lunch by myself was one of the most peaceful moments i had since sch started.. no one bothered me, and the crowd wasnt congested or anything... no one there to make noise, no one there to bug me... man, think tml i'll juz break away frm my clique juz to get some peace of mind.. think im gonna break, constant fears hammering at the back of my skull like some guy banging bongo drums...

i kinda regret deleting my previous blog, i held such great memories there... nahhh i deleted it for a good reason, but sometimes, i wanna kick myself as i could've juz deleted those posts i didnt reali like and retain the rest... ah well, thats what did for this blog, if anyone noticed, i deleted the first 3 posts for this blog.... so yeah...

this is just great, isn't it?

i truly am veri tired, wish that i can fall sick soon, so i can juz lie in bed and rest... i feel like ive ran a marathon, sch is that exhausting... im sleeping at wat my frenz deem unatural for a teen like myself, 10pm?!

so tired, wanna collapse...

hiya!

2005-08-14T04:27:00.000-07:00

updating now for the past 2 days...

on friday i couldnt go to yay's birthday celebration... i was at the doctor's for blood test... still i went back to bds juz to say hi as i was on my way... i became mrs djie's slave, helping her stamp books, pass messages, run errands and stuff.... we were talking about mdm liew... and yeah she said something veri funny to me... i'll post wat she said to me on my livejournal and make it so that only my frens(or currently, frien) can read it.... went home feeling happy, cos i was able to help mrs djie lighten her load, and let her check a day's worth of emails...

on saturday i was the teacher to all my peers in ventures... was teaching them the world scout badge... as always justina was giving me her stupid attitude, i lost my temper... threw a small bag of tent pegs on a tent... she was such a pain, was bossing my peeps around, making stupid remarks bout us making stupid remarks, though she herself was guilty.... yeah, and all day long zx and cherri kept saying that she's gone crazy... im happy to hav my peeps.... dunno wats going thru gwen's head though... she looks like she's got something to say, yet she denies it.... i apologised to them already, as i felt guilty of losing my temper in front of them, yet i dun feel guilty of the reason why i lost it in the first place... we were all talkin and at some point of the conversation she said that she wasnt coping well at all with everything, and so if things got worse she may either hav to quit her sch's dance cca or ventures... in my head i was screaming for her to quit ventures, and when she left i shared my feelings with the rest... we're gonna hav pizza hut next week as i'm paying for the bulk of the charges... supposed to have it this week, but justina didnt want to hav it, and she assumed that her word was final, so we juz gave in to her...

today was much better, paid all the guys at suntec a visit, finally got my avengers tin, play mat, shirt and EAs... was reali happy... and jap's gonna help me buy a comic named House Of M cos it had a unreleased EA there in it... man this rawks!! now chatting with michelle from Business, she asked for my blog address, so i gave her this one's... thanks for trying to tag here... looks like there's reali something wrong in it... anyway welcome, to my blog!!!!

oh well, thanks michelle(from Design) for replying my other blog, and yes we do look like pandas together... lolx... sorry man, i know u tried to tag this blog, but obviously there's something wrong...

man!!

so touchy...

2005-08-11T04:02:00.000-07:00

i was reading stef's blog last night... and i chanced upon this veri touching post about the ppl of singapore, the selfish and the handicapped... so yeah like i was telling michelle last night, i reali wish i could write like her... lolx here it is, and enjoy!

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Saddened, yet ashamed.

I woke up with eyes half shut when i witnessed this sight on the bus. The horrible image keeps replaying in my head, pressing the hot tears with even more force as i think about it. Why is the society so cold? Why don't we spend more time and effort caring for the less fortunate? Why do people who needs Taxis more often than us normal beings deprived of the comfort?

The scene I witnessed was one the one that induced so much reflection in me. A bus driver rushing his night shift, a handicapped man trying to alight. The clock struck 1030. The bus screeched to its stop and the man with only one leg fell, with his dignity and pride crushed, onto the floor. Like a rag doll.

No one went up to help. No one. And I am ashamed to say I didn't. Panicked, I stood up but pondered if I should. He was crushed, lying on the floor struggling to get up with his wooden leg limp and stiff. The bus driver, insincere and cold, continue to sit on his seat while bending down to aid that fallen guy. Fallen, both literal and unliteral, could describe the many emotions the guy felt. Humiliated? Crushed? Perhaps words couldn't describe it all. He shoved away the hand of the driver's, while continuing to gather all his dignity and struggled for his right to stand. I wondered how he would have reacted if I had went up to help, if he would feel even less of a being or angry for being at such a state. And because of my timidness, I think I had just made one man's life even more miserable. I wonder what he is thinking now.

Most importantly, I felt ashamed of myself. For my hesitation to help, for my timidness. I want to make a difference, yet I do not stand true in times of challenge. What saddened me was the clear discrimation between those who are equipped with legs and those who are deprived of this. I thought of the various issues raised at the Youth Meeting and the topics related to the disabled. I think too much and now I am sad.

I plead all of you, those whose eyes lay on my blog at this sentence, at this story. Open your eyes and watch out for those less deprived. Extend a helping hand, do what you can at the very point of time where you think he or she deserves aid. It would be much appreciated, sincerely moving and touching in his or her perspective. I plead you all, a small gesture could make a world of difference in someone's life.

posted by S.Djie at 10:31 PM 0 comments

see? i'm so proud of my guiding sis... lolx... man i sound so lovely-dovey here, but i'm not OK?!?! for all those who need something to inspire them, go read her blog ya? it's reali good... stef, u hav 2 new fans to ur blog!!! and i do mean 2!!!!!

wahahaha...

if i didnt ask...

2005-08-10T00:51:00.000-07:00

called stef this morning to wish her a happy birthday... she sounded like a bear being forced to wake up in the middle of hibernation...

i had Java test today after sch... finished it in 10 mins, then spent the rest of the time looking at nicole's script, checking my answers... after the test, outside the lecture hall, i saw sahfahri!!! we talked and settled everything... apparently he said that i'm still on the pending list, so if the attendance for the camp is bad, they will throw me in... and yes, he says he's definitely sure that i will get in if that were to happen... he made it clear that i did not offend him, but it's the conflict between the others within the main comm, and he told me that i shouldn't hav said the things i did during the interview.. of course i told him that whatever i said during the interview was true, and not a joke... he seemed to understand that part... yeah... so i hope to see stef and michelle in SU then!!

i'm so happy that i took this emotional bashings calmly, i wonder what would the outcome be if i blew my top in front of sahfahri... therefore i conclude that good things happen to good....calm ppl!! but of course, i'm still on the pending list, so nothing has happened yet... sahf also said that if i were to get in, i muz take things seriously!!!

YOSH, GAMBATTE YO, ALEX-CHAN!!!

i'm not only happy for those reasons, now that the camp is out of my way, i can go attend yay's birthday!!! yahoo!! but that's not it... as u guys would know(or those who read Stories of A Lonely Guy), i didnt go for the Avengers sneak preview, which also means that i wouldv'e missed out the judge's priviledges which are free shirt, tin can, EA and play mat... but edwin said that there's a set for me!!! wahahaha!!! so this sunday i may be dropping over at suntec for a lil while to collect my Goodies!!!

My goodies, my goodies, my goodies, NOT my goodies!! OWW!!(Goodies-->Ciara feat. Petey Pablio)

anyway i juz watched the russel peters video, cos mark, nicole, yay and the rest said it was veri funny... well come to think of it, i did hear the name russel peters before... then it hits me harder than running into a wall... OMG!!! this was the guy that all the design peeps told me about!! apparently, thier orientation was more or less based loosely on this racist guy... he's juz insulting himself, cos he's an indian makinf fun of indians... wat a retard... now i know why all of them were complaining... and now i know wtf they were shouting at me during orientation....

'SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET HURT.... SOMEBODY!!!'

yeah yeah, it's not reali funny, so design peeps, i feel ur sorrow, i mean c'mon, using racist jokes during an orientation?! wat the hell, i mean, certainly that within the crowd that there would be ppl who are veri sensitive bout this issues... and i know juz the guy to blame...

alex

not me noooooo... no wonder michelle was acting so weird after orientation when we were having dinner together... they were asking me to guess the creep who came out with all these rubbish.. and i was like, huh, sarah?? so michelle told me,

'Alex...'
'yes?'
'alex, alex, alex, alex!!!!!' at first i tot she liked my name or something...
'har i dun geddit...'
'wah slow ar u...'
'orhhhhhhh... the gl, alex frm FOW rite?'

so now that i know who that guy was, i can't help but feel that alex(codemaned sarah by sook chin...sook wanted the secrecy, so that alex wun suspect that they were talking bad bout him..) is such a retard... russel peters was insulting the chinese in his show, but sarah laughing at it???

WTF...

thanks..

2005-08-08T03:18:00.000-07:00

i juz called u stef, and thanks for being so understanding... i think u're the only person in this world that knows that i want SU this much...

....

2005-08-08T02:53:00.000-07:00

stefanie!!!

i'm sao sad.... wei sen called to say that i didnt get into SU.... he said that alot of them didnt like me... sobx... life sucks... but it's alright.... wei sen said that the main prob was that sahfahri regected me, and he said that i may hav offended him.... WTF?! i reali respect him alot, and yet things hav turned out this way... alvin doesnt want me too... and i reali like alvin... this world is so beautiful, so am i reali the problem? i dunno i dunno i dunno.....

my face has gone red already, not because i'm angry or anything.... i'm juz so disappointed... wei sen was always saying that i would make it... the higher the expectation, the harder the fall.... and i did fall down good this time... i should've expected this... i reali feel like dying now.... killing myself, so i wun cause any other misunderstandings already....

wei sen said that it was related to dragon boating and my cca-hopping.... this is nonsense!!! first of all edwin asked me to go for the trials to see whether my back can take the pressure.. so i didnt turn up for anymore trainings cos it reali hurt... then i'm not cca-hopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i told my other cca leaders that SU was my first priority.... and he said that the other interviewer tot i was joking around during the interview... NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!! wat i said were all heartfelt words!!!! why can't anyone understand me?!?! arrgh!!

it has always been my attitude, i guess.... this sucks so much... who in the blue hell are my true friends now?? perhaps stef, u too think of me this way....gosh i juz wanna die... i dun have any friends at all, thats the truth... i suddenly felt so alone in this world... God, why dun u juz kill me or something? i dun wanna go on anymore.... i hate it....

i'm gonna call to tell u that i've updated my blog... i dun wanna talk bout it, thats why i'm telling u everything here... when u respond, this blog entry would be deleted, cos i dun wan to harbour grudges against sehfahri, alvin, and all the other more-perfect ppl in this world... i'm not gonna cry, even if tears fill my eyes... lucky u, u got in!!! hahax, i'm reali happy that u were chosen over me... at least we now know who's the better among the 2 of us! haha, gosh i feel sick... haix... dun think too much of me, juz go on with ur life, and do all the wonderful stuff in SU that i may be doing if i didnt hav a big AP.... see ya around buddy...

love,
alex

if it was true

2005-08-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

2 nights ago,5th aug 2005 friday, was a day i nearly died of fright...i was talking to chaw mun, my first god-sis and i had to go sleep... wat happened next is all asecret to me, only 3 people know wat happened... i'm shorie pH, but u only know half the story.. lolx, i'm sorry guys... the story's not worth ur trust... i'll tell the story to ppl who i trust, or maybe to ppl who dunno chaw mun.... wahahahaha...

yesterday was a veri good day... it was even better than friday(except the story of chaw mun and myself)... we had venture meeting with xavier and then we had to clean up the den... cherri, gwen and i had to check the tents... but since we had lil manpower, we were only able to check 7 tents!!!!!! lolx... later on when all the other year 1s left, i had a great time chatting with pei han, wan lin and winston... we were talking bout er, dogs humping?! haha, now my perception on dogs hav changed... damn, to think i liked dogs so much... and we all called chaw mun to wish her a happy birthday... lolx... the 3 of them left first while i waited for kevin to come...

we went to anglican high to hav campfire and i saw rey there... stef took a cab there with him ,though she dropped off at her house... was invited by mummy djie to hav dinner with them, only if i could get rey to go as well! lolx... we didnt go in the end... then i had late dinner with pH, winston and marcius after the campfire at some roti prata shop... went back home to sleep...

so now i am typing... later i gotta type the minutes of yesterday's meeting... cos thats because i was appointed secetary!!!! poor boon ee has to go on exam break, she didnt do well at all during mid-years... so xavier replaced her with me...and then justina's now my freaking assistant!!! arrgh!!!!!! it was supposed to be corine...

anyway i think justina suck alot... she wasnt present at the meeting with xavier, but when she FINALLY came, she was demanding everything to be put on a silver platter for her consumption... wat an attitude... but i wasnt any better, i kept rolling my eyes like a freaking bimbo when she made stupid remarks... however, i'm glad that zhen xiong's a great guy... he told xavier that for the sake of everyone, it was a much wiser choice to put corine down as my assistant, and not justina... justina's always busy, she only comes down when she finishes her other stuff... and again, i'm not any better... next week i hav SU camp, so i cant go for meeting as well...

THIS SUCKS.

sobx...

2005-08-05T05:01:00.000-07:00

today was a bad day... we made a total loss of $100... no one wanted to buy our sweets, this is sooo unlike MI, whereour stuff were cleared in a jiffy... and the bad news is that my frenz kept criticizing the products, not knowing that they were hurting me, cos all of the products were prepared by my veri own mother, and they seemed so unappreciative... i juz swallowed it back, though i did retialiate back at marz, i hope that the apology i made to u was reali forgiven... today truly sucked...

i didnt go to michelle(business)'s stall cos i was to busy... michelle(design) reali didnt turn up, so i got one rose suitting in the hall, waiting to be devoured... i did hav some bright moments though... douglas and kiat rui came to visit me, i saw stef and eudora and they loved my roses, i bought earrings for gwen9those damn earrings), i bought some TPSU shirts that were on sale, and some veri good frenx gave their support to me... i'm glad to be in contact with ming tai, a fren from FOW... he was that kinda guy who would blend into the backgrounds and try to be as inactive as possible, but damn, do i worship him... during the final clash, he was DA MAN!!! dashing into a fight, killing the other empires, he was the true hero for that day, even if i did score the winning goal... i reali admire him, he's so freaking tall, it's a wonder why nobody eliminated the freaking empire-killer... respect, my buddy... hope to see u ard more often!

but of course, at the end of the day, before i close my eyes to sleep, there would surely be something that would bother me... if u guessed that it's related to stef, u're right...

she told me that she had a rough night and morning, crying constantly... but she wasnt going to tell me what happened.. i'm actually multi-tasking now, reading her blog while typing this entry... whao, she looks stressed... and yeah, she was wearing that blue beanie again... i hope that i was there to ;isten to u dude, but it occured to me that, i'm not the first person that ppl turn to when they hav probls... lolx, nah i dun take it as an insult, it's juz the truth... i'm happy that despite being so sad and tired after crying a Pacific Ocean, u still had the courtesy to act that u were okay with stuff, maybe not to worry me or maybe not to let me suspect anything so i wun stick my nose in stuff... but unfortunately... i saw thru u... lolx... no kid man...

wish i could be there for the frenx i reali care for... ALL OF THEM. perhaps nobody gave me that chance, but i sure feel that i'm kinda useless when it comes to helping others out... it sems that it's always other ppl helping me... i miss the days when mishi told me that i was amongst the ppl she trusted most... but of course, she's dead so i can't reali do anything bout it... lolx, getting over her death was a real pain in the ass... it hurt alot..

so anyway. i'd juz like to say that... stef, hope u're gonna be alright, i'm seriously feeling bad now... smallville's coming up.. gonna catch it... i could've still typed during the show...

but NAHHHHH!!!!!